You Know You Are...

In honor of a hysterical list I just read, I decided to post my very own:

You Know You Are 9 (+) Months Pregnant When:

-You sometimes sit on the toilet for ten minutes at a time, because it would be a waste to leave the bathroom...you'll be back in a few anyway.
-You debate buying ANOTHER bottle of Tums, deluding yourself into thinking that the baby will be here before the current bottle is gone.
-You only wear shoes that slip on. Yes, they're probably tacky.
-Virtually no clothes really fit anymore.
-You struggle mightily against slapping anyone who has a witty comment upon seeing you, such as "Gee, you're still here? I didn't think I'd see you today!"
-You yearn for the sight of blood on the toilet paper - you'd have to be admitted to L & D then!
-Everytime you wake to pee in the night, you find yourself hoping that you wake up in a puddle.
-You knock things over with your belly.
-Your friends and family keep staring at you when they think you're not looking. What exactly do they think they're going to see that I won't already know about?
-You almost dread the phone ringing. No, I STILL haven't had the baby.
-You see all the mess, and still don't even have the energy to CARE, let alone clean.
-You've washed all the baby's clothes/sheets/blankets more than once, and put them nicely in the drawers.
-You dream of being woken up by crying instead of a "full" bladder.
-The doctor asks if you're experiencing any swelling, and you say no, only to realize that you haven't worn your wedding rings in weeks. Oh, that counts as swelling? Thought it was normal.
-You go to the mall to walk. Not to shop, to walk.
-Your husband is suddenly VERY concerned with every sigh, sniffle or sound you make.
-Anything that falls to the floor is condemned to stay there unless a) someone else retrieves it for you or b) it's vital to your existence, e.g., a Rolaid.
-You spend hours debating with your husband whether or not you really have dropped.
-You skim all the pregnancy books you have finished reading to see if you missed some vital clue about going into labor.
-You spend a large amount of time debating which natural induction method sounds most appealing today.
-You have pep talks with your unborn baby about how "today is THE day!" (And, like any child, they choose not to listen to mommy.)
-You think a night in which you only peed 5 times is awesome!
-You spend alternate periods of time blowing your nose frantically, and pinching it in hopes to stop the sinus pressure.
-You have memorized the number for the OB office.
-You legitimately think your boobs can't possibly get any bigger - and are WRONG!
-You are simultaneously praying for the induction and praying that you don't make it that far.
-You get unreasonably excited when a virtual stranger tells you that she is going to stick her gloved hand into your body.